​Stronger than the sight of Gary Oldman with hair that looks like an anus. More powerful than the gaze of Bella Lugosi’s sexy eyed look of doom. Able to turn into pointless animals and walk through spiderwebs with the webs completely unharmed. It’s the Super Evil Vampire Robot Podcast of Doom with a very special episode starring the Prince of Darkness. No, not Old School Koenig (though he can be when he dresses like a prince and turns off the lights. He truly is the master of his domain). No silly, Count Dracula. You know, with the fangs, hates organized religion and has an aversion to garlic. Well we hold up a mirror up to the character of Dracula and see….well….nothing because he has no reflection. But if he did, we would see an iconic character that deserves the honor of an entire episode. Kind of.

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First, we set our Little Orphan Annie decoder pins to E 5 and get ready for the most exciting 2 minutes in horror podcasts today. The 2 minute drill. Where we see who can quickly and concisely tell the audience what they have been watching within the athletic supporter tight constraints of 120 seconds or less. Prepare to listen and see if the classic Spawn cartoons get the Fanciest of Gentleman all hot and bothered or just make him sleepy. Stop the presses as Rape Whistle has finally seen Cabin in the Woods. Was it enjoyed or did he think it deserved a Merman fin to the face. What to do on a flight to Romania with a 1 year old? If you answered pray, you were close, but Fun Size chips in with some light reading of the Walking Dead and chases it with some movies. Marc contemplates some casual sex (which apparently in the 80’s was ok, as diseases do not occur when the sex is casual. If it is lets say forceful or angry, prepare to pee fire). And Old School finally has something to contribute to the segment. And the natives rejoice.

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It’s then all about Dracula as our very own Fun Size, live and in living color, reports from Romania and give us an extensive history of the character. What’s even more impressive is that there was about an 8 hour time difference, so he got up really early. And wasn’t even grumpy. Then it’s a battle royal as we assault Dracula using how he is depicted in a variety of movies and other media. We debate if Gary Oldman’s butt hair Dracula is superior to Bela Lugosi’s creepy eyed take on the character. We explore which movies portrayed the character in a great way and which ones failed in every way (*cough Dracula 2000 *cough). We use the word suck an uncomfortable amount of times. If that doesn’t make you want to listen, I don’t know what will. Maybe if we offer up some casual sex?